It is a sad fact of life that we spend more of our waking hours at work than we do at home.  In order to make that time as productive and hassle-free as possible, it is important that our key working relationships (both internally and with strategic vendors) are smooth.  Unfortunately, there are always times when things get a bit contentious.
Attempting to fix a ‘working relationship’ requires focus on both the ‘working’ part and the ‘relationship’ part.  Far too often the proposed cure is for the individuals/teams involved to do some sort of fun team-building exercise.  While these types of activities do have their merits, they are not particularly useful to repair a broken relationship.  A better approach is to attempt to have the parties move past their current state of emotionality, gain an appreciation for the other party, and agree to try and work towards a solution.  Once that has been accomplished, the parties need to layout the specific actions (and behaviors) they would like to see the other party take that would begin to build their opposite number’s credibility while moving both parties towards the agreed upon goal.  These actions are usually taken in some form of facilitated session.  To insure that what was agreed upon was not just lip service, it is imperative that there be adequate and systematic follow up.  These steps to fixing an unhealthy working relationship can also be viewed as follows:

Step 1:        Let the emotionality out (venting)
Step 2:        Understanding your own and then other party’s POV
Step 3:        Getting commitment for the shared goal
Step 4:        Working on actions (and behaviors) that each party can take
Step 5:        Follow-up

Step 1:  Letting the emotionality out.  This is best handled in a private setting with a neutral third party or a sympathetic, neutral co-worker or boss.  Prior to a group session this can take the form of one-on-one interviews with the facilitator.  The idea is to allow for all parties to be heard, to have them feel that other people believe they have been aggrieved, and to find out some possible sensitivities when putting together the group meeting.

Step 2: Understanding your own and then the other party’s POV.  This is a good exercise early in the meeting to get each party thinking about their own actions, realizing that they have stresses and pressures that make them act/react in certain ways, and then trying to imagine how they are viewed by the other party.  The key watch-out here is to insure that each party is only commenting on itself and not on the other.

Step 3: Getting commitment for the shared goal.  This is a critical step as it establishes a basis for the parties to work together and gets them to agree upon a goal, without which there is no reason to work together.

Step 4:    Working on actions (and behaviors) that each party can take – agreement.  There are 2 parts to this step.  First having each party decide on very specific actions that they would like to see happen that would begin to build (rebuild) credibility.  The smaller, more specific, and more immediate the actions are, the better.  The second part is having each party accept or decline the activities the other party desires. The deliverable should be a next steps list with activities and dates agreed to by all parties. It is here that close facilitation is crucial.

Step 5: Follow-up.  After the mediated session, when the parties go back to their day jobs it is easy for the next steps to be forgotten or let slip.  There needs to be some agreed upon method for keeping all parties to their agreement, allowing for the relationship to heal and hopefully become strong.  Small, rather rapid steps that each party can accomplish begins the process of rebuilding the relationship.

Having a working relationship that is contentious adds unnecessary stress to the daily grind – something none of us need.  Instead of living with a slow, draining working relationship, take action and make the commitment to address the situation.  It may be uncomfortable to go through, but once it is fixed all team members on both sides of the relationship will not believe they let it go for so long.

Filed under: Articles - Updates by Keith
Tags: « Culture - Organizational Development - Team - Team-Building - Vendors »