Mary has just finished giving a speech to a group of vendors. As she collects her notes, you approach her and offer some helpful feedback: "Hey Mary, I know you’ve taken a presentation skills course, but from what I just saw you still need to work on your eye contact."

You’ve offered similar feedback countless times to your subordinates, but you rarely seem to get any results. Here’s why: Your well-intentioned feedback was given in a manner that most likely de-motivated, upset, or even angered the person to whom you offered it.

Here’s some of what went wrong in that example:
• The feedback was not given at a time and place where Mary was ready to receive it. She had not even had a moment to recover from the adrenalin rush or collect her thoughts (never mind her notes!);
• Mary was not given a chance to offer her own assessment of her presentation;

There was no hint that the feedback was given in the spirit of trying to improve Mary’s performance; therefore it most likely made Mary angry, and/or defensive. Such missteps can easily be avoided by following these 10 Steps to Foolproof Feedback:

 

1. Ask Permission
2. Frame the discussion
3. Ask how the person felt the situation went
4. Act what he/she was trying to achieve
5. Active Listening
6. Provide positive feedback
7. Provide constructive feedback
8. Ask whether comments made sense
9. Ask how the person might handle the situation differently
10. Suggest a better way of approaching the situation

 

Here is how the conversation might have gone had you used this methodology with Mary. We’ll call you Joe (The steps are indicated by superscripts throughout the conversation.):

Joe: Mary, can I offer you some feedback about your presentation (1)–in particular, the way in which you connected with the audience (2)?

Mary: Sure…(She replies hesitantly–She’s fearing the worst.)

Joe: Before I jump in, I wanted to know how you think it went.(3)

Mary: (A little surprised at being asked) Well, I thought it went ok. I think I was a little stiff in the beginning and I never felt 100% comfortable up there, but I felt that the audience understood what we wanted them to get.

Joe: When you say that you thought the audience understood what we wanted them to get, what exactly are you thinking about?(4)

Mary: Well, my goal was to outline the new procedures we were putting in place, explain that we would need their help, and that they would need to trust us that we weren’t looking to screw them.

Joe: That’s pretty much what I thought we were after also. How do you think you did with respect to those 3 objectives? (5)

Mary: (Now fully engaged) Well, I feel like I did a pretty good job on the first two objectives, but I’m not sure they walked away trusting that we weren’t going to screw them.

Joe: No? Why do you think that was? (5)

Mary: I’m not really sure. Any thoughts? (This is the best-case scenario: Mary is actually asking for Joe’s thoughts. But even if it doesn’t happen, Joe can now provide his point of view.)

Joe,: Mary, I agree that you did a very good job getting the audience to understand the new procedures. In particular, the fact that you paused and waited for them to formulate their answers after each question was very effective."(6) (5)

Mary: Thanks. Joe: Did you consciously work on your pauses?(8)

Mary: Actually, in my practice, I had coaching that I needed to give the participants a chance to think and then answer, so I’m happy that you noticed.

Joe: As for the feeling of trust, I think one of the ways that you could’ve increased it would have been if you had made more eye contact.(7) Did you feel that your eye contact was good?(8)

Mary: It could’ve been better, but I thought I did a good job looking at the audience.

Joe: You were looking at the audience, but since you were asking the audience to trust the company and therefore you as the company’s representative I think it would have been much more effective if you had held individuals’ gazes for a longer time.(7) (Without this step Mary would have discounted the feedback, thinking that she and Joe just disagreed.) Does that make sense?(8)

Mary: I see what you’re saying–I wasn’t thinking of it that way.

Joe: In your presentation skills class, did they go over any suggestions for eye contact that might be applicable to this situation?(9) (Once again keeping this about the situation that you framed in Step 2).

Mary: None that I can remember at the moment.

Joe: One of the tricks that I have found very useful is to maintain eye contact with one individual for a complete sentence or thought, and then move to another person. It might feel a little strange at first, but it makes a big difference in how connected the audience feels.(10)

Mary: Thanks. I’ll try that next time.

A few thoughts on the methodology:

 

• As you can see, these steps needn’t be taken linearly, eg. Step 3 can come before Steps 1 & 2, you can always go to step 5 at any point, etc.;
• Some may argue against always providing positive feedback before constructive feedback. But it has been proven that if a person is first given sincere positive feedback, he or she is more apt to accept constructive feedback and attempt to alter behavior accordingly. This is not meant to suggest that constructive feedback should be sugarcoated or that praise should be handed out where it is unwarranted;
• NEVER provide feedback via e-mail;
• Do not shy away from providing difficult feedback;
• Remember that the only reason to provide feedback is to help the colleague perform at a higher level. If you have a different motivation, you are not providing meaningful feedback.

As Seen in NY Enterprise Report July 2008 Edition (http://www.nyreport.com) and eZineArticles (http://ezinearticles.com/?id=1684023)

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